July 2025 – blog by Matthew Cicchini (Provisional Psychologist)
There is a misconception about how couples ‘fix’ conflicting issues. Some have the belief that the solution lies in spending more time together, going on date nights, scheduling quality time, or planning more time away from environmental stressors to enjoy their bond, as a way to rekindle their connection. While these strategies can certainly support relational wellbeing, they often miss the deeper, underlying dynamics that contribute to distress. In my experience, the real work of couples therapy lies not in simply creating more moments of closeness, but in learning how to manage conflict effectively. Most relational issues are not problems to be solved once and for all, but rather ongoing differences to be better understood and navigated with mutual compassion and skill.
With close to five years’ experience specialising in couples therapy, I support clients through a wide range of relational challenges, including communication breakdowns, diverging attachment styles, emotional disconnection, infidelity, and parenting stress. I am trained and certified in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1), an evidence-based approach which up until now is grounded in over four decades of research. A key component of this model is recognising the ‘Four Horsemen’ leading to break up being, criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Each are primary predictors and encompass comprehensive patterns of behaviours that may lead to relationship breakdown if left unchecked. I work closely with couples to help them identify when these patterns emerge in their interactions, understand how they unfold, and learn to replace them with healthier, more constructive alternatives.
Rather than striving to eliminate all conflict, I support couples in learning how to enshrine skills to communicate through validation and understanding, to stay emotionally regulated, attuned to each other reality rather than winning. My approach draws on a blend of counselling and psychological frameworks, and is centred on promoting emotional safety, insight, and effective communication, with an emphasis of how to approach difficult conflicts. Whether couples are seeking to strengthen their connection or repair after a rupture, my goal is to help each partner feel seen, heard, and empowered to navigate challenges together in a way that deepens intimacy and mutual respect. This enables the recipe for happy and longlisting relationships, based on a value based bond between partners that deepens over time, even in the face of conflicts.
Book in for a session with Matt today! Ph. 9077 2275
